Traveling With Toddlers

“How do you do that?” the mechanic asked.

“What?” I responded.

“Get them to sit there all quiet and read those books,” he continued.

“I don’t give them a choice!” I said.

This was a conversation I had with the “EZ-lube” guy one day when my boys, now teens, were toddlers.

You might wonder about the reading part.  Toddlers typically don’t read.

Correct.

But they enjoyed the pictures. They named what they saw and told themselves stories about what they thought the book might be about (or retold themselves the story if it was familiar).

Books were a staple in the car and kept this momma sane whether I was driving or sleeping in the passenger seat. Giving books to my kiddos was my version of “stress management” for the car because we all know there can be drama when we travel with toddlers.

Be “All In”

I grew up the youngest of three girls.  We had an eight-year difference between me and my youngest sister. We had vinyl seats, no A/C and nothing more technical than an AM/FM radio in the car. Even the windows used hand cranks! My earliest memory of travel with my family was when I was four years old.

As a Navy family traveling in the late 70’s and early 80’s the trip was GOING to happen!

            Rain or shine

            Hot or Cold

            Like it or not!

The best advice I have from those formative experiences, traveling as the toddler in the center of a bench seat of a station wagon with only a lap belt and legs sticking to the hot vinyl, is just GO!  Go on ALL the trips.  Make memories!

But like anything else, start small. Is Lil’Bit good going to the grocery store? Then go somewhere 15 minutes further away. Work your way up to an hour. Then two hours! It won’t take months.

You can train her over a couple weeks in preparation for your PCS or family adventure. You just have to get started. Just remember none of you will die from the crying and whining that might ensue the first time or two you drive a bit longer than is currently the norm.
With our first kiddo, car rides were a necessity. We lived 15 -30 minutes away from most of the places we needed to go on a daily basis. We also lived 90 minutes away from his grandparents. He quickly adjusted to travel in the car, realizing that this was just a part of life.
By the time we had kiddo #2, traveling was the norm. My husband was active duty and PCSing at ages eight months and two and a half meant they had to “suck it up, buttercup!” It seemed that #2 watched his older brother.  Thus, he had the attitude of, “OK, I guess this is what we do. Big brother is doing it!”

The tips and tricks I give here are based on my experiences with my own kiddos. Yes, I only have two, but I know families with 10 who don’t hold back on the travel.

Buzz or Woody?

Toys, not technology! I promise this will make all of you happier in the long run until junior learns to be ok with up to three-hour trips. Then if you are a movie–in–the-car family, use this as a carrot. I’ll get back to that in a bit.

Not convinced? Here is the trick: You do not pick the toys. Lil’Bit gets to choose the toys and the books. Then you work with her to select the best toys and books to take from the giant pile she just made. It might be a longer process than doing it all yourself, but she gets to help pack and decide what will entertain her. Also, if she complains about the toy selection in the car, it’s on her! This is teaching life skills even at age two. Choices matter!

Later, when you pack your car bag for up front, pick out a few extra toys and books (preferably from those that you decided not to take earlier) and put them in the front-seat stash. You need these extras up front with you. It is certain that before you stop for gas all the books and toys your sweet one planned on playing with will be out of reach on the floor.   Or they might be in his baby brother’s car seat from when he threw that foam ball at him. (Ask me how I know).

But you’re saying, “It’s an eight-hour drive! I’m not going without technology!”

My suggestion is to keep it to a minimum.  If that tech is connected to car trips in the kiddo’s mind, your child will have a fit the first time you go 10 minutes down the road and don’t hand them their tech. Also, don’t forget that in some places you will not have internet. Deserts, mountains and wilderness areas are a few places that have a lot of dead zones, so thinking this is the only way to entertain the kids will be miserable for you all. You may also be miserable if you think your 4G will get you through a six-hour car ride. Instead use tech as a carrot!

We would promise a “show” after a nap or after going potty when asked. (That’s a handy potty training and nap-time bribe!) In our experience, as the kiddos got older, they learned not to ask for technology unless we would be in the car for over three hours. They did other things like: looked at books, looked outside and talked about what they saw, played with and held toys, slept, sang songs (with or without music playing).  Now with teens, we listen to books as a family.  That is entertaining for all of us and part of the shared experience of the trip.

This “deviceless” training created a great foundation for good habits later. Once they got older, our boys thought playing some of the “car games” we played as kids on those sticky vinyl seats were amusing. Did anyone else play the dry mouth game? I was in the middle. I could only watch.

Be the Man (or Woman) with the Plan!

We lived about eight driving hours from family when the boys were toddlers. We stayed with the same schedule every time we went to see those family members.

To figure out that schedule, we backwards planned.  What time did we want to arrive? We usually said dinner. We knew that the kiddos (and we) would want to eat and just hang out when we got to our destination.

We lived in Georgia and our family was in Virginia. To arrive at dinner by 5:00 p.m., we created a basic schedule:

0400 – Load the kids in the car

0415 – Leave

0615 – Be through downtown Atlanta before traffic is heavy

0730 – Breakfast picnic at the South Carolina welcome center

1000 – Stop for gas and a snack

1200 - Get through the Research Triangle (traffic for Raleigh, Durham and the town of Chapel Hill) in North Carolina and stop at a picnic spot for lunch and a walk (explore)

1300 – Continue north in order to get past downtown Richmond no later than 1600. Stop for gas as needed (which also means potty stops, but hopefully you have nappers for the afternoon leg of the drive).

1700 – Arrive at Nana’s house in time for kids to play while adults unload the car.

We planned around high traffic times, nap time, and meal time. We also stopped for gas in the states that had the cheapest gas.

I get antsy in the car, but kids are even more so. Whether we went to a picnic stop or Chick-fil-A, we allowed for 15 – 30 minutes to get the wiggles out. That car seat is UNCOMFORTABLE after two to three hours! I have fanny-fatigue just thinking about it!

Afraid you won’t get junior back into the car? GET HIM TIRED! This will make getting him buckled up a lot easier.

Other Tips

Try out new travel gear before the trip to get the little guy excited. Did you get him a new car seat? Let him sit in it and read a book or other pleasant activity in a favorite spot in the house. Did he get a new backpack? Let him fill it and dump it a few times before the using it on the trip. Helping your kiddo become familiar with these travel items in a favorable setting helps set a positive mood for your trip. (Soon the kiddos will be able to try out a new PCS Adventures adventure kit! Keep your eyes peeled!)

Pack the car the night before. You will be glad it’s done before you have to load the (sleeping) kiddos. It also means you get an extra 30 minutes of sleep in the wee hours of the morning!

You know the toys junior just chose for the car? Those are enough! You don’t need to bring the whole toy box. If he is tired of those toys, grandma’s plasticware containers and wooden spoon will provide hours of fun.

Perhaps you are staying in a hotel? Take a dip in the pool to get Lil’Bit tired or go for a walk to explore the hotel. Go say hi to the lady working the evening shift at the front desk. Not only will it make her day, but the new environment will be stimulating and tiring for your little one. Does the four-year-old wake up too early? Take a coloring book (or the PALZ activity book!)

Just Do It!

There are a lot of parenting books and blogs that will give you the step by step. I didn’t read those books. I remembered how I grew up, being squeezed between my two sisters, trying not to touch anyone else in the Florida heat. Times have changed. Cars (and thus car seats) have changed. Speed limits have changed. But other things do not change.

It is as true today as 1979 that what works for one person or family might not be what works for another.   As you plan your trip with fear and trembling, just remember this: A car ride with a screaming child will not kill either of you. But traveling with even your littlest adventurer will create memories you will both cherish for a lifetime.