Connecting Kids After A PCS

Have you ever felt like a nanny should be issued along with your PCS orders?  Or a personal secretary?  Or a machine to duplicate you, so you can watch the kids and do ALL the things that are needed for getting settled?

It can be overwhelming for the adults to get settled after a PCS, but settling those little people can be another enormous job. Where does one start?

We started military life with two little guys, ages 2 months and 2.5 years old when Tim left for basic training. He turned 35 at Officer Candidate School. While we believe joining the Army was a call from God, some friends called us crazy for starting a military life so late in our lives. I admit, it was a little crazy. 

From my vantage point the craziest part of the journey was starting this military life with two littles. I didn’t learn how to manage military life before children, so I learned about military life with kids on board. Who knew it would get crazy so fast, especially the PCS with kids part?!

We got to our first duty station and learned that we couldn't do much for the kiddos without heading over to Child and Youth Services (CYS) and registering our children as Tim's dependents. This was our first introduction into ALL the duplicative paperwork the military loves.

I made my appointment, showed up with my two toddlers in tow and waited for what felt like a full nap time. Finally, my turn came. The woman handed me two fists -full of paperwork to fill out. I started diligently scribbling all the answers. Until I got to the next question: Who is your emergency contact?

What?! I've lived here for two weeks and know two neighbors who were kind enough to greet us when we arrived. In desperation, I looked at my phone. I scrolled and scrolled and found those two names. I don't remember if I called or texted.  It was 2011, so calling unannounced was still common.

"Um, can I use you as my emergency contact? I'm here at CYS....," I trailed off uncertainly.

"Of course!" my new friend said with no hesitation.

I thought these women were so kind. They exhibited a generosity that I thought only existed among family and lifelong friends. 

I soon learned this is just the way it is in the military. We’ve all been there. Our families and friends are hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away as we move from place to place. Out of necessity, other military families become our adopted families quite quickly as we PCS.

Where to Find Help

That's how it was prior to COVID. While our culture started to change with the advent of the smart phone, COVID put us all behind two sets of doors and our screens. New mamas and papas in the military had new obstacles to finding anchors for their kids after a PCS.

In an effort to answer those new family questions about where to find support, here are some basics:

1)     Need an emergency contact for CYS, school or sports?

If you haven't met anyone yet, look to your Soldier and Family Readiness Groups (SFRG) or equivalent. This group is designed to support soldiers and their families in each unit. Ask your representative for some contacts. Once our battalion commander's wife told me to put her down as the emergency contact. Remember, once you make friends, you can change this information.

2)     Where do I connect for clubs and groups?

For this I got some ideas via crowd sourcing. We attend church, so we connect through church or chapel programs where the kids had AWANAs (children’s Bible program) and now youth group.  For adults seeking Christian fellowship there is also Protestant Women of the Chapel (PWOC) and Catholic Women of the Chapel (CWOC).

Every military installation has moms with littles looking for other moms with littles. Often, they have homeschooled children too. You can also look for moms’ groups in the community like the Mom Community or MomCo for short, previously known as Mothers of Preschoolers or MOPS. They even have a website at www.themom.co/find-a-meetup to make finding a group easy.

Of course, there are also Google and social media you can search in order to locate other parenting or affinity groups in your new area.

For sports, the YMCA/ YWCA was a popular answer among my Facebook friends. They like the use of the gym and childcare plus opportunities for kids’ sports. 

3)  Where can I find recreational sports? 

On post there is CYS. However, when you live off post or your base doesn't have what you're looking for, the local parks and recreation department is a good place to start as is the YMCA. Granted, some places are better than others in this arena.

We have also found asking at the boys’ schools, specifically their P.E. teachers and school coaches, for recommendations in the area. If we visit the school to register the kids, we’ll also pick the secretary’s brain. She is often a wealth of information. 

4)  How do I keep the kids entertained?

Check out the library either on the installation or in the community. When the boys were toddlers, we hit story time every week. We continued to go to the library weekly when they were school aged too. It was a place for them to explore and read.  Bonus: In Washington state we stayed dry at the library!

Both local and military libraries have resources for reading enrichment and programs focused on creativity. Events with Legos keep kiddos busy, especially in the summer. Often the summer reading programs have extra activities available that coincide with a summer reading theme.

5) How do I find other homeschooling families?

Homeschool families usually know where to seek out homeschool groups, but the initial connection might be a mystery. Finding homeschool groups in the area via Facebook is pretty common these days.

If you are at the park during the regular school day and see other families with school aged kiddos there, ask them if they homeschool. Find out what they know! (Ask me how I know!)

 6)  Other Resources

Crowd source and join the installation spouse groups on social media. Ask questions! I usually use Facebook and social media generally as my last source of information, but I am often directed there when I ask for information. How many times have I heard, “Oh, all the information is on Facebook.” Or “We’re on Facebook.”

Knowing all of these resources are available to families makes settling in easier than if you didn’t know about them. But introverts like me tend to just stay with what and who they know.  I do not enjoy walking up to strangers, but my very best advice is to get out and ask questions.

I stalked a lady for three aisles at the commissary when we arrived to the Engineer Career Course. She was wearing a PWOC shirt.

I finally got the nerve to ask, "Do you know when the PWOC meets here?"

 I made myself ask. This wasn't comfortable, but I did it because I knew I would find a place for myself and my kids there. 

She had the answer!  I had all the information I needed. No nanny was required!  It is so reassuring that there is help available to all of us as we PCS with these little people. We just need to boldly step outside our comfort zones and track down the information.